Sunday, May 24, 2015

Concussions and Conversations With An Inner Warped Voice

EnduranceIntrospection Blog - Full Story

By Patti Stedman | May 23rd, 2015

[Disclaimer: I’m writing this fewer than twenty four hours from a pretty good, aka bad, concussion. I’m also on muscle relaxers and have had some difficulty locating certain parts of my vocabulary in its resident gray matter. This should make editing in a few days some kind of high entertainment.]

I’ve been thinking a lot about my inner voice over recent months.

The voice that plays the running dialogue in my head, and that tells me that a situation is not right, the one that beats me up on a regular basis, the one that tells me that I’m capable or not capable of doing something, or tells me to Suck It Up Cupcake when there’s really no choice but to soldier on. She tells me what I should or shouldn’t have said, what I should or shouldn’t have eaten, what I should or shouldn’t have prioritized on a given day. I’m told that you, dear reader, have one too, or at least I hope that is the case or I have an entirely different set of issues than I realized.

I know that voice is my own. It belongs to me. I’ve come to rely on it, rightly or wrongly, to get where I am in life. For that, I’m grateful. Without that voice kicking me from time to time, telling me I wasn’t good enough or doing enough, who know where I would have ended up being?

There are a lot of reasons I have the inner voice I have, far outside the scope of what should be discussed on an endurance riding blog, but I’ve come to realize something...

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